Another year over.....Almost

Well that is Christmas over and done with for another year thank go.  I have to admit this year has been our toughest in loads of ways, there is always the money problems there is just never enough, Family problems consist of the usual bickering rellies. But this year I am just getting over my "break down" which is in one way  awesome that there is now light at the end of the tunnel but its also really freaking scary knowing that I need to do normal things like find work.

The work thing is my biggest worry to date, not that I am work shy in fact the I am quite the opposite.  But what is troubling me is that 6 month gaping hole that will appear on my CV!  What do I write? "I am sorry I was outa work as my brain & body endured a 6 month crazy frenzy"? doesn't look good does it.............

So that is where I am at with that part of my life. The other part (the best part) KNITTING is going really well :) I completed my knitted Xmas presents in plenty of time, I even knitted things for family members to give as gifts.  But I want to up my game so to speak, I want to tackle the dreaded sock.

DPNs are the devils work IMO so I will be trying my best to learn on circs, I have the tools I just need my brain to get on the same page.  This is all part of my "pushing" myself to learn a new pattern every month and I of course at the moment have ideas of grandeur like 12 pairs in 12 months!  I can manage that...Right?

I have also bought the infamous Owl pattern form this amazing lady http://katedaviesdesigns.com/designs/o-w-l-s/ and am scooting about trying to decide which colour to make my first one in.

So that's my lot for now, I kinda like the idea of this blog thing een though I am most likely talking to myself but it saves the trees if I do it this way.

Have a wonderful & safe New Years

Loobie x

Wow what a year.

And not in a good way.  Losing my job back in June sent me on a terrible downward spiral as far as my mental health goes.  It has been the worst episode I have ever suffered TBH.

It would seem that reporting a member of the team I worked with for abusing an elderly confused resident was to be my downfall, ( I mean who would figure doing the right thing would be so bad?).  anyway the "Powers that be" didn't take kindly to my "interruption" as they liked to put it (basically meaning that they didn't like the Care Commission or Social Service snooping about their poorly run home) & I was asked to leave without being able to say goodbye to my work mates (not a problem as I could see them outside the home) or my amazing, wonderful Residents.  The latter is what caused my mood to darken & take me to a place I honestly didn't think I could crawl my way back from.  I really can't put it into words the pain I felt never being able to see these incredible people and their families again. To give an idea just how much I love being a carer, I had started the beginning of my Nursing but as I worked Nights and sometimes doing 5-6 per week as well as going to school & being a wife & mamma,  I had to decide which was to be my priority.  Obviously the wife & mamma bit had to stay :) but between working and learning something had to give.  So I made the decision to quit school and throw myself into being the best carer that I could be.  Working with Dementia patients can be incredibly difficult but ALWAYS rewarding, and TBH I don't think I could have loved each and everyone of these wonderful people more even if I tried.

So not being able to say goodbye (even though most wouldn't have understood) felt to me like I was mourning & in a way I was, I had cared for these guys almost every night for over a year & now I wasn't allowed to see them anymore.

This caused like I said for me to slip from reality in the worse way, I stopped eating, washing (for a time) sleeping (still can't do that without the help of meds) and even being a mamma for a short while (this, if you know me was the worst part for me as my boy is my whole life).

Psychiatrist's, GP's, CPN's and a bucket load of pills later and I am slowly returning to myself.

I would like to point out that I was advised to take my former employee's to court over my dismissal but I just was not mentally strong enough to do so & as much as I hate it I feel I let them win (just another thing to add to my crazy).  But I know that I will now be able to move on to a new job knowing that my conscience is clear for doing the right thing and even though I will never forget my lovely oldies I know that there are more just like them needing to be cared for and loved elsewhere.

The one constant apart from my family for me has been Knitting, even when I hadn't slept for 3 days, or couldn't go outside the door or focus on anyone around me, I always had my knitting beside me.

Now I am very new to knitting just over a year as it happens but the satisfaction I get from it has been the salve that helped to sooth me.

I am not the best knitter in the world far from it I am still learning and have a VERY long way to go, but I am a determined little person who when I find that one thing I know I should be doing I just can't stop & I have to push myself to keep learning.

So I have given myself a test to learn to make something different every month.  I dislike big garments, I have made a couple of cardigans the last of which is still a WIP laying in it's project bag at the back of my wardrobe ( maybe I will finish it for the summer?).

And I also decided to only buy yarn that I love and not that disgusting, horrid, nasty crap I spose everyone buys at the beginning.

So that's where I am at right now, I have a couple of Xmas WIP's to be getting on with & I shall take pics & give a shout out to the lovelies I bought the yarn & found the pattern's from over the course of my keeping this page up to date.

If you have read this I would like to say ta much as it's very long winded and perhaps slightly depressing, but things are changing for the better so that's hopefully the last of that :D.


Loobie x